The Johnny's fanmail address has changed!
From 26 April onwards, address fanmail to

テ１５０ー００４１
東京都渋谷区 神南 １ー１９ー１０ 公園通りビル２Ｆ
ジャニーズファミリクラブ

(Member's name)
(Unit Name)
Johnny's Family Club
Kouen-doori Biru 2F
Jinnan 1-19-10
Shibuya-ku, Tokyo 150-0041
Japan

(Thanks to eri of the iro forum for informing everyone!!)

whee!! My Arashi calendar's arrived!! Gonna collect it tml after flag day :)

I was just thinking...shouldn't be sharing so many deep thoughts and feelings with so many ppl who won't try to understand them...
From now on I'm not gonna say so much here...
I'll only share these private thoughts and feelings to my close friends
Ppl who wouldn't let just one outburst of feelings change the entire way they look at me.
It's only human nature, you know, to be angry at someone, to hate, to cry...ppl all have their faults. You have them too. I;m not going to pretend to be perfect. Because i know I'm not. And because you know I'm not. Nobody's perfect. Not even you. That's why I'm not going to hold it all too much against you.
Ppl all have their days...even the most patient people can lose their tempers.
I'll open myself up so much only to my very closest friends, whom I can trust.
But who can I, really?

From now on, my blog will be like almost every other.
Un;ess I have something I really want to tell the whole world.

Lol, Snowy Angel, during that karaoke session in Japan I sang a lot of other songs too, not just Voyage...but Voyage was the only song by a female artiste I sang...
Settling in to the new seating arrangement...
Mamma mia! It's actually quite nice!
Though my seatmates tend to be rather quiet....
Almost everyone changes seats during lessons when the class is split into 2 XD
Sorry Wen Han, I hope I don't disturb you too much when I move over to sit with Gwen!!
XD
gtg for tuition, more nxt time
gwen, cya tml for flag day!!





  ¶ 6:29:00 午後

  to 'alvin' from my guestbook: Don't mention it. :P I'm just curious as to who you are.

Haven't felt like singing much for the past 3 days...my lyrics books are still under my desk...
I think many ppl can heave a sigh of relief at that? Oh well...now you know why I like to cover my mouth when I sing.
If my voice is that bad, how the hell did I end up in the choir when I was in primary school especially when they had auditions?
(By the way, just in case you're thinking of using this against me, I never went for choir auditions in sec school).
The ppl who write stuff in my guestbook really entertain me too...:)
Those around can keep their ears shut if they really are irritated...I'll stop singing if ppl tell me (nicely) not to sing cuz it's irritating them, but if you prefer to shut it out, I'm ok with it too.
Other ppl sing in class too, you know. And their singing isn't necessarily good all the time too.
All blogs are entertaining. Mine is not the only 'entertaining' one.
kore ijou



  ¶ 5:16:00 午後

  Was feeling kinda down just now...after some stuff I'd read...
Then I turned on the cheerful songs, so I'm feeling much better now :)
Yuuki 100%!!!
Somehow I like the ya-ya-yah cover version better...voices so cute!! But I listen to it so much that when I sing it I have to try really hard to keep my voice frm going squeaky...cuz my voice goes squeaky when I sing along with them, to fit with their voices.
Oh, Gwen...you've got urself an unpausable, unstoppable radio!!!Song requests granted, provided I know how to sing the song...*sweatdrops*
High time I learnt to memorise more songs...
Freedom!!!
After our 'O' levels let's just go to K-box and sing our hearts out!!!
Invite December too if he wants to come along!!
And no one else (unless that person really loves singing Jpop too)
P.S: I finally managed to sing the verses of Pika**nchi Double on key!! (chorus is easy but i used to keep going off key during the verses)
Gonna do more voice training
voice too airy, especially when I'm trying to sing softly
But I haven't felt so free since the last time we changed places!!!
I'm really happy whenever someone appreciates my singing
Like when I sang karaoke in Japan and the tour guide went, "Umakatta!!!" :) the karaoke bartender too...
(By the way, I was singing Ayumi Hamasaki's Voyage)
I wanna go for karaoke again...
but no $...gotta save up...then we'll have a big, long session after 'O's!! And then we'll sing to our hearts' content!!  ¶ 10:16:00 午後

  lolz, I don't know why I seem to be able to make friends more easily in training than in school!!
It's as if the moment I step out of school i'm realeased from all the bindings and chains that make me feel so uncomfortable and restrict me from really being myself.
It's not that I'm not myself when I'm in school, I still am, but not completely...only those who hang out with me a lot really know me...
The quiet girl who may seem snobby and stand-offish at times, but who's really lost deep in her own thoughts, is just one side...
Yet when she breaks out of her thoughts, if she's with someone she truely feels comfortable with, she'll be her real, true, crazy self
Crazy, always smiling...but easily hurt and upset...
I can be nice to ppl...but nobody likes EVERYONE...I can be nasty, in a subtle way, to the ppl I really dislike, but it's just not me to really go and confront them, or tell them to their face, or swear or yell at them...only when I'm really pushed to my limit do I tell them off.
I just try to stay away/ignore the ppl I don't like, but it's hard.
I know I should be concentrating more on my loved ones, those who love me for who I am, faults, weaknesses and all. After all, nobody's perfect. I accept that. Though it's hard to accept sometimes.
There are some things you can change to improve yourself, but you can't change your entire personality and be someone you're not.
If you have to change your entire personality so that someone will like you, why not use that energy to find someone who can accept you for who and what you are--and loves you for it--instead?
In Primary school, when I had a crush on reynaldo...we were complete opposites...I thought I had to change myself completely so that he would notice me...
I didn't have to. we became friends, even though I was just being myself...
But you know what? Reading my old journals dating from then, when I gushed on and on about him; and then looking at my feelings for him and ideals now, I *WAS* really naive and immature then. Blinded by what I thought was love. I'm glad it didn't work out...
I'll try not to care so much about the insults...I'll take the constructive criticisms, suggestions for improvement...but I'll ignore the name-calling...
It makes me sad, thinking that we used to be good friends.
How did things turn out this way?
But it makes me want to treasure even more the friendships that I have now, because those who like me just the way I am are so much more precious...:) I'm beginning to care about ppl again...to want to help them, to worry for them, from the bottom of my heart.
Open your heart...  ¶ 7:53:00 午後

  And the change in places is finally complete!!!
*Glad to be out of there* It wasn't that bad actually...though when we got to our new places I was feeling kinda out of place...completely dunno what to talk abt to my new seat mates...nice ppl but how will they take to me?
I think I'll warm up to them sooner or later. Though they may think I'm hostile, after all I was keeping so quiet just now..din know what to say lolz. A little more observation and maybe I'll find something to talk about...
I'm not really good at initiating conversations...I need to really be sure of what the person likes to talk about, and that I *can* talk to her about it, before I make the first move talking to her
*ultra craziness*

If you really wanna know what I'm really like outside class go ask my training friends!! Or my cousins!! I go crazy outside school...I've been showing that side of myself lately but cuz some ppl dun usually see that side of me they think it's fake. C'mon, even Hooper has another side of him he doesn't usually show...if everyone acted the same way everywhere they were they'd be really flat and 2-dimensional. Behaving differently with different ppl, or in different places, is normal!!!It is NOT fake!! It's when you outwardly lie about yourself, your opinions etc that's fake (and I don't mean little white lies...)

To my new seatmates: I hope I won't irritate you too much...tell me if I am...? Hope we'll warm up to each other :)
To the ppl whom I used to sit with: God bless. You're nice ppl. Too bad we didn't really get along that well. It's something I regret but it couldn't be helped. (to yuanping): Thanks for being such a good listener/conversation partner! :)  ¶ 9:40:00 午後

  Just so that you'll see this first:
Adeline: You can insult me all you like but you don't know really know Gwen or how she feels, so you have absolutely no right to call her a lapdog!!!

Just a quiz one of my friends posted up on friendster...

Heart of Gold


What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla
Is that really true?
Everything I answer, everything I do...by myself when there's no one around...is what my heart tells me to do...
Sometimes it takes some guts
Sometimes it may not be right

What's wrong with this world now is that personal freedom of expression has become a right--at the expense of others' feelings. We say what we want to say, what we truely feel; we do what we really want to do...so that we won't appear fake. And sometimes our frank words and actions hurt others....others don't take too well to it
But if we're not as blunt about our feelings--if we don't voice what we really think, so as not to hurt others as much as possible--if we don't show our true feelings, others see it as 'fake'.

The question is, what's the right thing to do? To be frank, blunt and express yourself freely--saying what you want to, others notwithstanding--and end up hurting others' feelings in the process? Or to hide your true thoughts and feelings in public, and reveal them only to yourself, or a trusted few...and be labelled a hypocrite--someone fake--in the process?
This society...needs to spare more thought for others' feelings...
I'm a victim of society. I don't even know if everything's a farce any longer. Everything's contradictory...
But let's face it. Humans are hypocritical. There are shades of grey.

What's better? A society where everyone thinks of others' feelings and tries their best not to hurt others...in the process appearing unnatural and fake?
Or one where everyone voices out what they really honestly feel, in blunt terms, maybe a few (no, more than a few) swear words thrown in? Where people's feelings get hurt so much that they're numb and unable to feel for others any more? But everything will be honest and unfake then. Is that what you really want? because I feel that that's where society is heading sometimes...we insult, we call names, but we can't give good , convincing reasons why.
Like the Miss Singapore-Universe contest...the reporter who wrote that article should have known better...should have had better judgement...it wasn't in the forum page, but in the main newspaper itself, as an article--not even a commentary...

Your Energy is Purple. You are a visionary with
unmatched intuition and spiritual
consciousness. The mystical world and
unexplainable forces fascinate you. There
resides in you a true dignity and nobility, and
others see you as a worthy leader, and loyal
friend. You are often very mature, with a deep
understanding of human nature, and you will
instinctively encourage and guide others toward
their full potential.

You find it natural to express yourself
aesthetically and artistically, you may be
involved in the artistic professions, a
religious organization, or in activities that
have a degree of ceremony and ritual. You would
make a good therapist, healer, psychic, or
entrepreneur.


What color is your energy?
brought to you by Quizilla

many ppl don't really know me. Only those really close to me, who have really chatted with me, who have spent lots of time talking to me, both in and outside school, know who I really am, what I'm really like.
I know I was too harsh in judging Stephanie, but let's face it, if u dislike someone, u dislike someone, and you'll still be biased against that person no matter what others say, until or unless that person does something that changes your opinions of her.   ¶ 10:08:00 午後

  Helping my mum to efile her clients' tax returns :D
Sometimes, I feel kind of lost-- 'tomadoinagara'?? I wonder if I'll ever survive on my own when I grow up...filing taxes etc all seems to complicated...even adults need my mum to help them do it...then there are all those laws and everything, and these make me realise that yes, when it comes to all these things--what to do, how to do it, I'm ignorant.

When I was doing backstroke just now, I suddenly remembered ...:
Backstroke isn't one of the strokes I knew long ago. Like butterfly, it's a stroke I learnt only after I started training in Sec 1.
Stella taught JC, Yin Har and I backstroke on our very first training session :) That first training was really eventful...earlier this year Jingchuan and I were just reminiscing about it lol... Audrey and Ka Man were there too, to bring us to Toa payoh, and I thought they trained with us too but they didn't go into the water, only Stella did.
HeLai made us do 30 laps of freestyle(1500m isn't that much now, but back then it was so impossible) ...then he asked Stella to teach us backstroke...she did try, but you get water in your nose and you end up swalloowing water sometimes XD
To cut a long story short, it started raining with thunder and lightning then, and the 3 of us were so relieved because it meant an end to that tiring training session!

The 3 of us were there by ourselves the next training. We were wondering why no one else from the school team was there, and we asked ppl...Michelle (not my current jr, another michelle) pointed to Jac Chow--the first senior on the swim team we'd seen besides Stella, Weiling, Audrey and ka Man...
JacChow came up to us later on, when we were swimming in lane 1. She spotted our backstrokes and taught us how to improve on it--still can remember what she told me: "Try to kick a little higher, make sure your toes pop out of the water"

JC, Yin Har and I told her we wanted to be breaststrokers (hey, that was before I realised how lousy my breaststroke was!!!) and she taught us breaststroke start--the whole underwater pull-kick-push-surface sequence :)
I remember Jac said she liked backstroke cuz u can see the birds flying past etc etc when u do back...
That's one of the plusses. But I like doing back mainly because I like to actually see everything going by...feeling the water below my back, the sun on my face...to feel myself actually moving in the water...the push and pull, the kicking...it's not that I don't feel that doing my other strokes, but I don't feel everything as smoothly. (^_^)

I didn't exactly like backstroke at first either, the water getting into your nose feels so uncomfortable, and I went (and sometimes still go) crooked...lane 1 to lane 8 lol...I don't know when I started loving it...but somehow I just did. I learnt how to keep straighter (make sure your arms touch your ears when you reach behind), to keep my body from sinking (and therefore from breathing in water), to have a more efficient pull...before I knew it it took over freestyle as my main stroke...if there's one stroke I'm confident about it's my backstroke...but no matter how much faster I am than the other ppl in my lane (sadly, it's the only stroke I can beat them in, cuz my fly and breaststroke are horrible and my freestyle's stagnant) I'll never be as fast as the other ppl on the school team...

Lost some fat on my thighs, but still need to lose some more!!! and the hips and the waist...I know I won't grow any more, so trying to grow taller is kinda useless...Mum says I look good in short shorts but I don't know how true that is...she also said I look good in miniskirts but I look at my thighs and...:P I haven't been wearing skirts that much...more pedal pushers and jeans...I love my new pair of jeans!!

There was this old pair of Giordano jeans that I one day, around 2 years ago, realised I couldn't fit my thighs into any more. I took that pair out and tried them on again on Saturday and it fit!!With a little room to spare :) I'll continue climbing stairs and exerting my thigh muscles...now it's on to the hips and calves as well.

I've got so many skirts cuz it's so hard to find jeans that actually fit at my king-kong thighs :P But now that my thighs are actually slimming maybe I can balance their amounts! \(^___^)/


Adeline and Stephanie: It's all a matter of opinion. Most other ppl think my singing is nice, but again there are also some ppl who aren't really used to it, therefore it sounds horrible to them...it's a singing voice. Not everyone sings with their normal voices.
Spit saliva--I don't even notice it sometimes...it's not as if i do it on purpose, and i can't control it. Teach me how to (other than to stop talking entirely) and I'll stop it.
Japanese language puritan--in what way? I like writing, typing, speaking in Japanese, with anyone who can understand. I'll gladly teach anyone who wants me to teach her.
There is always the stop button at the top of the page if you don't like the song. As I said, it's all a matter of opinion, you can see that there are ppl who like it, you don't expect me to take the song away just because one person doesn't! It's my blog after all.
Adeline: I read your blog...I don't act cute on purpose...I don't even know when or why ppl may think I'm acting cute...I'm just doing what my heart tells me to do. It's not some surface I put on on purpose so I don't see how it's fake...lately ppl--the ppl on the Iro-board I met during the hols, and Gwen--have been telling me I'm cute--'kawaii'--but all along I thought it's just my height.

I told you, I'm being very frank in this blog about what I think and so on--some stuff may be in bad taste...yes, I do know how it feels like, but it's tit for tat in a way, you still manage to know who I'm talking about anyway, outsiders who don't know what's going on don't have to. It's no secret that I don't like you and you don't like me, Stephanie.

I wish i could do something to change society, but how can I? Society includes a lot of people--people who have their own opinions. I'm not a dictator who dictates what a person can think etc etc. Nobody's changing it because at the end of the day, there's still something called freedom--whether we like it or not--ppl still have the freedom to choose what to say, what decisions to make. It's just that whatever decision it is you have to face up with the consequences. But in reality, no one can really stop you from doing anything.

For example,I don't like ppl to swear and use the f-word--HATE it, in fact, but it's not within my power to tell them to stop, because they'd just say "who are you to tell me to do that?" I try to tolerate it, though I really really really can't stand it. You can't tell people what to do.

Doesn't everyone have someone she dislikes? What do you do then?

Does the way one behaves in class definitely reflect her true self? No. I'm really sure you don't know me well enough....sometimes, even I'm not really sure of myself. It's true that I'm more confident than I used to be in primary school (blessing or curse in disguise, I don't know). Giggle at when sex is mentioned--i'll admit it here, it's because I have really dirty thoughts in mind--kkz I'll stop it--but I strongly feel that a mature relationship doesn't have to include sex.

Lastly--no, I wouldn't want to wear a 'bloody' gown, Stephanie, because I don't like blood on my clothes. Thank you.

Have a slightly bad feeling about going to school tml...maybe because I haven't even started studying for my Chinese test? it's already 8.42pm!!
We shall see how the new seating arrangement turns out.

training today was fun!!! I forgot our lady coach's name...I know she coaches the RGS girls but I don't remember her name. Anyway, what Jingchuan said 2 wks ago is true--you really learn much more from one session of Sunday training than you do during Andy's training. She corrected my backstroke start, told me to make sure my toes came out of the water when doing the backstroke kick, and voila! I did feel that I was going faster...
...but not fast enough lol

I'm definitely going next sunday!! :)z

I haven't seen my old swimming seniors--those who graduated 2 years ago, the white badge ppl--for quite some time, except for Jac Chow (even then I don't see her around that much). But strangely, today I swear I saw Ka Man!! She was walking out of the pool from the water polo side, and I was at the usual place near the changing room with Jing Chuan and the rest...I'm pretty sure it was her, but she was gone before I could even run up to take a closer look, or say hi. :( Shuk Mun said that she ended up training in the same lane as Dorothy on Sunday once, but I didn't see her today. If I had, it'd be really amazing lolz....cuz I'd have seen all 3 of them on the same day, in a very very long time. Jacchow was definitely there, she's with water polo now...red t-shirt and shoes and SNG shorts XD Was in the changing room right next to me! (It seems)...but she was talking to her friend...I should have gone and said hi to her though. Usually when either JC or I see her during training we'd wave to her--if she noticed us, that is! LOL

  ¶ 9:53:00 午後

  イエイ！ロング・ウィクエンドです、 明日グードフライデーだから！それなのに．．．月曜日 中国語試験があるから勉強しなきゃならない。なんて ｢ホリデー」って？
しょうがないよ、今年 “O”レベル受験だから、未来のために．．．シンガポールの学生であって難しいことですね．．．ほとんど毎二年大事な試験がある。小四は分流、小六 はＰＳＬＥ、中二はもう一度分流、中四は ‘Ｏ’レベル、ＪＣだったらＪＣ２に‘A’レベル ：Ｐ

\(^O^)／（哀叫）ストレスだ！！！  ¶ 12:06:00 午前

  Why am I digging up the past again??
I was rereading the old entries in my guestbook...and the old entries in Amanda Phoon's old guestbook...
I don't feel as hurt now. I guess time really does heal wounds?
Just a comment about those old 'greetings'---hardly constructive criticism...calling someone a bitch or saying someone sucks doesn't explain everything...(you know I've always been really frank in my blof. Some ppl dun take too well to that, but you all know I like sharing my opinions, comments and thoughts...)

I'm glad everything's more or less silent, it's been over a year already. :)
It's my friends who should matter more than those who hate me
:) It's nice that a few from my old Sec 2 class still say hi when we see each other, even though they did use to comment about what a b**h i was in AP's guestbook...:)
The ones who were the most outward/vocal about it...well, I just pretend not to see them.
It's sad...cuz I remember that when I just transferred from Grace to Wisdom in Sec 1, Yuyan was one of those who were really friendly and helpful to me... she and Wujuan offered to be my buddies then..
But a while later I kind of became distant frm them...found a grp of gd friends in Shumin and the rest :)
Then sec 2. 'nuf said

I see it as a lesson learnt. Actually, I think I can thank those ppl for giving me this experience...because it's made me stronger...and it's taught me to treasure the friends I have more *huggles*
I just realised that so many ppl spoke up for me in my own guestbook then..ok, maybe not that many. But I've realised that a few of them didn't leave their names, and I don't even know who they are. I'd like to thank all of them...
Those who left all those negative comments--okay, those who called me names...I kind of wonder who they are too. If they're ppl who are in my class, I'd like to ask them--has being in the same class as me for the past year changed their opinion of me?

Lastly, I know some ppl may not like the fact that I like to add information to what the teachers are saying in class...it's just that I want to share it with the rest of the class, not to show of, cuz sometimes there's stuff I really want the rest of you to know. What I'd like is for all of you to do the same--any bits of information or comments on an issue you have, perhaps you could share it too. It'd make lessons so much more interesting and enriching, wouldn't it? Because to me--and I think to many of you too--the textbook is simply not enough. :)

Kokoro kara anata
(entry below too!)
Arigatou
  ¶ 11:00:00 午後

  My knee still hurts...the area around it is swelling up, but it's probably part of the healing process...I hope it heals soon!! Hopefully the scab will have formed fully by Sunday cuz I wanna go for training!! I dun believe it, I missed doing my favourite stroke today!! :P But can't risk that wound getting infected...why was I so careless as to fall...?

I think I've finally figured out why *she* hates me. I'm too active in class for her liking...not my problem, it's her opinion...
To learn...is not just to sit there and listen to the teacher...it's to contribute actively as well, to ask questions, add points...to share opinions and ideas. That's what I strongly feel. But the thing is that the Singapore education system has produced many apathetic students who don't care for anything that isn't in their textbooks and notes and won't come up in exams. That's sad. Quite a few ppl...don't seem to have any opinion...they just go with the flow...that's sad too. I hate how society's turning out.

I like to talk about and discuss current affairs, but so little ppl seem even aware of what's going on in the country or in the world. They don't understand what I'm talking about...it's all so shallow now...wish more ppl would read the other sections of the newspaper and not just the Life section...it's high time we paid more attention to current affairs cuz what happens elsewhere will affect us, and we can't afford to be apathetic...hahaz let's see how apathetic ppl deal with the 'A' level General Paper...

Something I've been thinking all along...she kind of reminds me of a crow. All black and darkness...when she laughs it actually sounds like a crow's cawing...hoarse, irritating...crow in past life? I don't know lol. 1 more day...after tml let's hope my seat is as far away from hers as possible. Can't stand her.

Can't wait...to get my hands on that Summer Concert vcd!!  ¶ 10:31:00 午後

  Listening to J-rock
Yup, that includes Arashi's PIKANCHI (lazy to switch to typing Japanese so that I can get that star) and the Kisarazu Cat's Eye theme :D But mostly non-Johnny's group...coulda played TOKIO but decided to take a short break frm their familiar rock songs...Perfume Of Love by Globe, The 4th Avenue Cafe by L'arc en Ciel, and a mix of songs by London Boots and Kashiwabara Takashi :D Chemistry, Luna Sea and Ken Hirai too...bet you're surprised I've actually got non-Johnny's songs on my com :D
Can't help feeling that Chemistry's "Kimi wo Sagashiteta" would be a nice song to walk down the aisle to...:) Nice rhythm and romantic lyrics *sighz~~~*

Zutto zutto kimi no soba de/
dare yori mo chikai kono basho de/
nani yori mo tsuyoi kimochi de boku wa/
Kimi wo mamori tsuzukeru...
Hikari mabushii no asatte mo/
Kaze ga hikitsuzuku yoru demo/
Itsu no hi kawaranai kimochi de/
Boku dake wo mitete hoshii
I'll always, always be by your side
Here, nearer than anyone else
With feelings stronger than anything
I'll keep protecting you...
Be it the blinding, dazzling day after tomorrow
Or the nights where the wind keeps blowing
I want you to see only me
With never-changing feelings

Zutto zutto kimi no soba de
Dare yori mo chikai no basho de
Nani yori mo tsuyoi kimochi de boku wa
kimi wo mamori tsuzukeru
Kyou mo ashita mo asatte mo
Kore dake no toki nachattemo
Kore dake wa tomaranai n da boku wa
Kimi dake wo mitsumeteiru...
I'll always always be by your side
Nearer than anyone else
With feelings stronger than anything
I'll keep protecting you
Be it today, tomorrow or the day after
Even if it's just for this moment
The me who won't stop just because of that
Sees you and only you...

I'll swoon and faint if the guy I liked said that to me...sang that to me...dedicated this song to me ~*sighz again*~~~~~~~~~If I still remember this then, when I get married, I'll want my husband to sing this song to me at our wedding...I won't make him. He'll have to be spontaneous about it...
And of course, walking down the aisle...in a gown with a long train and a wispy veil...to see the one I love and want to spend my life with, waiting for me there...
Right now the face of that person is blinded out by the bright light...I still have yet to know who he is. But I do hope I'll meet that someone, someday in the near future--it doesn't have to be now. He'll be my dream guy...the kind of guy I've always had in my heart...someone whom I can connect with...who understands me and accepts me for who I am...who's strong and protective (not overprotective)...and so on

It's strange, I know that many of my peers don't see themselves getting married beforet the age of 30, or having children. But I do...because I know that's what I want. Of course I'd want a career too, but I'd like to balance both career and family. It won't be easy, but I hope that by then, companies will be more family oriented. I don't expect my husband to be a househusband or anything, but he must be supportive and family-oriented too...
My mum made sort of a 'compromise' to take care of me when I was little, she switched to freelance.When I was a baby she left me at me grandma's, when I grew a little older she brought me along to her workplace(s). Guess I was lucky then, that my mum had such understanding employers...

It's weird. When I was younger, around 7 years old, I once said, "I want to get married on my 21st birthday!" Lol...my relatives who heard that went, "That's a little young isn't it?" So the next time anyone asked me (when I was around 10), I'd reply, "25" though I'd really have liked it a little younger :D. Now my ideal is around 22 or 23 to 27...yes, a little fresh out of university. Which means I have to work extra hard and be extra outstanding so that I'll have a successful career by then. Somehow I have a feeling that it's possible.

Some people may have heard me say that if I ever had a boyfriend, my ideal is that he be at least 1 year older than I am. 1 year to(right now) around 4 or 5 years. When I'm older, say, 20 and above, nothing more than 10 yrs age difference is no problem. Why? Well, I'd like someone who's mature,sensible and reliable. Who's ready for a mature relationship that DOES NOT INCLUDE SEX OR MAKING OUT IN PUBLIC. The guys my age all seem so immature...

I don't see why couples have to make out in public. If you were really in love, you wouldn't need to express it in front of so many people because the way you looking at and speak to each other etc will explain everything. I'm not against premarital sex either, but not until the relationship becomes very, very deep and serious, perhaps to the point of marriage...but of course the best is to save oneself for marriage because it's the best gift you can give to the person you love.

From the way they hold hands, I know they're in love
From the protective way he puts his arms around her shoulder, or on the small of her back, or around her waist, I know that he loves her
Her adoring gaze, the smile around their lips
They're happy to be with each other, and they don't have to show it on purpose
Because in the slightest, most seemingly insignificant gestures, they already show their love for each other
they don't have to lock lips or hug to show off in front of everyone to show that they're together...

And that's the kind of assured, mature love I'd like in the future.


I know you'd say it's useless, to complain and go on and on about her behind her back get not tell her off to the face...well, I dun really like conflict...anyway it's more satisfying to watch someone ruin herself...(I'm being mean and I know it). It's true that she upsets me...she's not the only one who's happy we're changing places. I'm rejoicing over it too!!! Only I'm not showing it as outwardly as she does!!! The other ppl around me are nice...4 out of 5 (ok, 1 and an uncertain, silent 3 out of 5 isn't bad either) is still okay, but I wonder why I have to be so hung up and upset about the 1/5 who's left ...It's mutual dislike. The further I am away from her, the better. I hope when we change places I'm far, far away from her...not being in the same group as me is not enough, I hope she sits at the diagonal end of the class!!!

What's it about me anyway, that so little ppl are actually willing to sit with me?? BO? Lol...it's not as if I have some contagious disease...I feel really upset about it when ppl (who never showed they dislike me or anything) purposely leave a huge gap btwn us when we sit on the floor...I've tried to be 'considerate' and sit away from them lately, knowing that they don't really like sitting near me...

I wish the class would pay more attention during Chinese!! What Wang Laoshi teaches about grammar and all that is really important, because to know Chinese isn't enough, one has to know proper, grammatically correct Chinese before you can put it to good use. I've always thought that way, and it's really jarring on the ears to hear the improper Chinese peppered with English that Singaporeans speak...though I do speak that way sometimes...I'm trying to improve on that...whenever I catch myself speaking that way, or hear fellow Singaporeans doing that, I feel really ashamed...yes, Chinese education here should be revamped. They've largely ignored teaching Chinese grammar; in primary school an onwards it was "I don't care if you know the grammar rules, I don't care if you're phrasing it correctly, as long as you can 'zaoju' for me in your tests and recite one whole sentence or passage correctly and pass your tests and exams I don't care if your language is really corrrect or not. Big deal if your sentences in your compositions are grammatically unsound, I'll just underline it and not explain why it's wrong". yeah. As a result most Chinese Singaporeans, at least this generation, can't speak or write proper, grammatical Chinese...that's what i feel.

But our class doesn't seem to care...I somehow sense that the general attitude is " Heck care what the teacher is saying, all the what-not about grammar...I know Chinese and am taking HCL, that's enough already isn't it? Grammar won't be tested to that extend in tests and exams, I'll just learn what I need to pass." Even if that's not what some of my classmates think...it's the impression I get from the general attitude during Chinese lessons...few people actually pay attention. There's so much he teaches us that can't be found in the shouce, and so much that few other Chinese teachers would teach.   ¶ 8:54:00 午後

  Another quiz spree!!! whee!!

Punk! My kind of friend. You could care less what
other ppl think of you. You want friends who
like you for who you are and not what you have.
I mean, sure, sometimes you stick fries up your
nose, but thats ok. People love you because you
crack them up immensly! Your amoung friends!
Rate my quiz fellow Homie!


Are you one of the three P's? (Punk/Prep/Poser)?
brought to you by Quizilla


Katana, chop enemies down with skill, speed and
accuracy. Katana's were made for warriors that
wanted to be fast and deadly like samurai
warriors. The Katana is very sharp and takes a
long time to blunt. (Please Vote)


What sword wud u use (info and pics on swords as well)
brought to you by Quizilla
  ¶ 8:53:00 午後

  I hate *her* I hate *her* I hate *her*
It's very, very obvious that she's got something against me
Seems to want to pick a fight about every time...I juz ignore her and turn/walk away except for a few times
No point wasting energy and saliva to lower myself to *her* level
She's very irritating to me, but for now I'll just bite my lip, bear with it...she'lkl get her just desserts. When the time is right.
You know, somehow she reminds me a little of Edmund Hooper in 'I'm King of the Castle' lol
There are quite a few very fair ppl in the class, but somehow she's the most deathly pale (at least to me)...true, there are ppl in class with skin that's fairer than hers, but she's the one who looks the most Goth to me...dunno why. Must be her eyes...can't describe it, but when we were dissecting pigs' eyes on Wednesday I somehow thought the pig's eyeball that lay on the plate bore some resemblance to her eyes...thoroughly dull,blank, black and lifeless....
I sense this dark air about her...my frank feelings: she seems happy, friendly, but there's more about her than meets the eyes...something gothic, dark....

I can't stand her. Of course I'm biased. But I just want to stay away from her. There's something not-so-right about this girl.

Kz, on to something more cheerful
It was raining really heavily in the afternoon!!!!!!!I took 159 to the pool and when I reached there almost nobody was there!! Hui Ling came a while later, and she called Eng Hui to find out if she was coming (my phone was out of battery)...we thought, since it's raining so heavily, cannot swim, must be gym right? So HL asked EH if she had shorts with her...EL didn't...her turn not to have shorts!!! Lolz...EL asked us to meet her at the interchange as she didn't have any umbrella, so there HL and I went, amid the heavy rain...
We...kinda took the long, sheltered route though we had umbrellas...when we got to the interchange, we realised we couldn't find Eng Hui, HL had left her hp at the pool, and my battery was flat!!!
HL was like, "Let's find the service counter and see if we can make an announcement"
Me: "No, let's try to look around the interchange for her first"
In the end, we walked one round, couldn't find her, and decided to go to the service counter...
Tried to explain to the lady at the counter, but I guess she didn't really get what we were saying cuz at first she thought we'd lost a handphone, when we were saying that we lost opur friend and couldn't use our handphones!!!!
So, we walked a few more rounds around the interchange searching for EH, wondering if she'd gone to the pool by herself...by then we were already like, 15 minutes late for training?? We were about to give up and just about to turn toward the exit when...guess who I spotted coming up the escalator?
I just yelled and ran to her, then HL saw her too and we ran to EH, screaming and laughing LOL...she'd reached there earlier, couldn't find us and so walked around...bought an umbrella too lolx It was crazy!!!And so, we walked back to the pool, talking about...boys...lol HL was declaring, "I like ACSI guys!!!! I think they're shuai!!!"(She's frm NYGH)...oh, ok, HL and I were talking about guys and our innocent, innocent EH was listening and smiling.

Kz, and when we got back to the pool, we saw some parents there, and Tommy,who told us to go upstairs to watch a video...we were like, "No gym?" but went up anyway...across the carpeted floors of the SSA office...our shoes were soaking wet!!!
The video was about butterfly and breaststroke drills...so tired I nearly fell asleep, but actually the video was quite interesting...by the time the video had ended the rain had stopped and we had arnd 1/2h left. Took a long time getting changed...went into lane 2 (with Tommy and 'Poon'--oh no!!! The really good swimmers!! *hides face*)
The rest of the ppl had alr started on their--u guessed it--fly drills and were at the other end of the pool...no choice, had to swim fly to the other end--in front of them!!! Now, Eng Hui's fly is ok, but Hui Ling and I...our butterfly stroke...um.....but we still managed to get to the end.
Did a few drills after that, then it was on to the training pool on the 'other side' cuz as usual COE took over the pool...On the way HL and I were arguing about where *ahem* was that muscular or if it was just fats..."no it's fat!!" "It's muscle!" "It's fat!" Then when he got up on the starting block, I took a closer look: "Oh yah, i just realised. It's fat." We juz burst out laughing then, while EH stood there with this quizzical look on her face, wondering what we were laughing about...tried to explain to her but she didn't get it cuz we were still laughing so hard, so we told her we'd explain it again later...

We practised our starting. The 2nd time we did freestyle starts I ended up having to swim beside Tommy (oh no, oh no, oh no no no!!! Cuz he's supposed to be in Centralised, he's that fast....and I'm so slow!!)I slacked a little at the end...one long, lazy stroke before stopping...now, Tommy seldom trains with us cuz, as I said, he's in centralised, so it's quite a mystery why he turned up for this training session...anyway, when we got up, he commented, "Slacking?"...kz, he hardly talks to us female juniors..so I replied, "yeah" and he was like, "Don't slack, try not to slack." lolz, love my seniors at SSA, they give u more and better advice than ur coach :P (It was Dominique who told me my left hand's stroking in freestyle was too low) HL kept doing 'pancake' starts and he told her "Don't do pancake!" lolz...it was like he was acting juz like the knowledgeable senior he is, though as HL said, you can't tell if he's just faking it or if he really is that helpful XD

Pancake: A start where you land on the water flat, not hands first like you're supposed to. Also known as the belly flop. Will cause your thighs and stomachs to hurt. Ouch!! A staple of the beginners and out-of-practice more experienced competitive swimmers
The Square root sign: When you enter the water hands and head first, but with your legs horribly bent...just like a square root sign. Most commonly seen in intermediate swimmers XD
Scissors: When you do almost everything correct, except that your legs part at the last minite though their straight, looking like an open pair of scissors. Occurs in intermediate and some advanced swimmers
  ¶ 8:38:00 午後

  ~feeling a little better but still quite bad abt missing today's E Lit talk.............
I cried when I learnt I was missing it...not joking....hate to miss stuff like that...:( It was a dreadful shock!!!

I'll get over it...

Finding out abt the JLPT in Singapore, when it's gonna be held and such...if it's in December (i.e, after the 'O' levels), I think I'll try for Level 3 or 2.

It seems that the test will be held in December (yeah!!!), cuz it was in 2000 and 2001...I can't find info that is more recent though...if I do decide to take the test this yr I'll have to work hard on my listening and speaking. Haihai. Who'll practise with me??? So few ppl I know who understand more than a few words and phrases...:(
  ¶ 3:48:00 午後

  To C.Y: Yes, I've heard abt the rumours abt Johnny molesting the boys...I have no idea how true it is, since now Johnny's is powerful enough to silence the media about it...I wish I knew if it still takes place now...sighz...the thought that the boys who smile and dance on stage and and in pictures, maybe even the guys in the debuted groups, could have gone through that...There are some Japanese books on the subject, including one where Johnny K apparently speaks out over the incident (the expose' book that an ex-Jr wrote and published in 1996 claiming that he was molested by Johnny K. and the seniors in the company...), but I haven't been able to get hold of them...I have a feeling it may be true but can't be too sure...it's horrifying...whenever I think that my Johnny's idols may have--:(

I'm so dead...not in any mood to eat right now...can believe I actually forgot about the E. Lit thing today!!! Nobody said anything about it the whole wk...I completely forgot it was this wk!!!! Miss jeya did tell us last wk...last Tues or Wed...but other than that...the school website din say anything about it either :P I don't remember her telling us the time...or did she? Made no record of it too...gonna get scolded by her...sighz...why and how on earth did I forget??? I'm missing important stuff here...and I thought I was missing CIP today

I wonder who called my hp at around 11.30 am today...cuz the display was "No number"; the person must have been calling from a public phone...I didn't turn on my ringtone and was out of my room then...ppl seldom call my hp anyway...Gwen, was it you? Did I miss both CIP and the E Lit thing? I'm so sorry...been out of sorts lately...I remember all the tests and everything, but I din remember to go to school today!!! *hits herself*...not in a v good mood, I just wish this day could start all over again...  ¶ 3:08:00 午後