I'm wondering if MOE will actually allow Jingfang and I to take the 'O' level exam for Jap...we don't take 3rd language at the MOELC after all, and they probably doubt our ability in the language. I hope they'll actually let us take a diagnostic test or something before actually deciding whether to let us in our not!! We wouldn't be so confident about taking 'O' levels for Jap if we knew nothing more than a few phrases. They should have vacancies...it's a fact that a lot of ppl drop their 3rd lang by the time they reach sec 3. I hope JF and I qualify for sec 3 standard in Jap!! Though we will have to pick up some new words and stuff...what they learn in 3rd lang classes is different from what we learn from manga, mags and Jap novels...There are some things we know that they don't, and some things they know that we don't...

Mrs Seet is in charge of 3rd lang right? ( I think...she seems so involved in 3rd lang stuff)...Jingfang and I are going to see her about it soon--the sooner, the better. I'm still kind of nervous about it, but I really want to try my hand at the 'O' levels, provided my Jap is good enough. I'll need to brush up a little more on grammar and vocab, but I know I have improved a lot over the past year or so, thanks to the Jap books! It's so much easier to read Jap sites now :) I don't have to pick up my dictionaries as often as before.

But with regards to honorifics like irrashaimasu/itadakimasu etc...needs more work.  ¶ 1:31:00 午後

  I don't really know who to trust. The truth is, I stopped trusting her so much a long time ago. When you talk about someone behind her back, the person will get to know about it sooner or later.

I'm really confused. Is she my friend or not? I guess not...some people will do anything to fit into a group, including backstab, but I don't know if she's that type. I don't even know if I know her any more.

I should stop brooding on that. It's time to move on. 'Friends' like that are not worth brooding about.

THe Iro-Asenaide forum had to be restarted all oveagain...it's back up from scratch...but at least it's still there! :) although it means having to repost some translations and so...there are so many things i want to translate for the ppl there but I don't have the time!! (wails)...You guys will have to contend with some outdated articles that I think will be of interest. So sorry!!!

:) It's good to have a friend. I hope our friendship lasts this time, Gwen, cuz it seems like a lot of people start hating me after a while. I feel kind of guilty though, somehow I keep feeling that ur friendship with Yuanping got to thi stare because of me...a bit like di4 san1 zhe3...:(

I dun wanna do the English work I'm supposed to be doing!!! But no choice...sigh...think I'll get back to it.

Last note: Kaze Hikaru book 14 is FINALLY out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna geit sooner or later. Will Sei's identity be revealed? Will Okita reciprocate her feelings? I just can't wait to get it!!

Planning to send my letter to Sho during the Sep hols...I wonder if he's read my last letter...  ¶ 10:43:00 午前

  2 songs I wish to share; Arashi: Paretto and Michi. Maybe I'll put Michi up here, it's less than 1 min so the file's quite small...

I really want to get the Pika*nchi soundtrack, I hope it's still there at sale price...nearly $40 but better than the usual $68...I guess I have to give up the clothes I want to get though I still can't get them off my mind--that blouse, that hooded top, that skirt. I'm saving up for the Arashi pictorials...and their new single...

I've been doing some thinking. Maybe I've been too selfish in that friendship...she did give a lot and what have I done? Almost nothing... I didn't know how to repay her for everything she's done, and even when I try to I don't do a good enough job...she probably feels that I'm taking her for granted.

I'm probably sounding lesbian here but as I told Melissa, I'm infinity % sure I'm straight!!!!! It's just that friends are very important to me too, although I'm kind of a loner. I may not like to have that kind of friendship where we do everything together, hang out together all the time etc--I'd feel stifled...but it's nice to have someone to chat with, someone who shares the same interests, someone to laugh with and go out with occasionally, someone to partner/be in a group with :) But all those whom I think might share my interests all sit so far away and already have their own cliques...

I like people who try to be cheerful and look on the bright side more than people who whine and moan all the time, I think I've said that before right? I guess I like laughter. Maybe that's one reason why I seem to get along better with the boys than the girls, at least in primary school. The Straits Times (Life section) (or was it New Paper?) once said that girls are more likely to pour out their woes while talking to someone, while guys usually will just mention their problem and move on to some other topic. I don't know if I'll still get along better with guys than girls now;there are no guys in this school, but I still think they do make better companions than girls. I'm not lesbian, I'm not butch, I don't see myself as a tomboy, I don't think I'm flirtatious or anything. Just that guys are less catty and more good natured than girls. Well, but if I hang out more with the boys than girls in JC, tongues are going to wag. For sure. But my guy friends in the past all were really nice to me and always managed to make me laugh even when I was upset...

Maybe I find it hard to fit in in this school cuz I was too used to the guys in Primary school? But I still had female friends then so... the guys would be able to take my teasing, the girls take it to heart way too much, even when I'm not serious. Whenever I try cracking a joke, certain ppl would glare at me/give me an incredulous look :P I'd prefer someone who would add on to the joke...not just let it die...

Like that time in the pool with Eng Hui (frm training) and the pool...we started talking rubbish about treating the floodlights as a diving board and jumping into the pool from there, resulting in all the water in the pool flying up into the sky while the diver hits the pool floor and falls unconcious, then all the water falling down into the pool again due to gravity, then being pulled out of the pool buy someone who can't revive the person and so decides to use mouth to mouth...only he has garlic breath... u get the idea. We laughed ourselves silly. I like cooking up crazy, rubbish stories and jokes once in a while, I think it's creative...let your imagination run wild!!!

The guys...most of them...they'd always add on to the rubbish and by the end we'd be laughing like crazy...I miss Nicholas and all the rest...:) Even when we just got to each other, and I didn't really like him at first and put out this newsletter thing making fun of him, he didn't get really mad but laughed at that too, and we became friends from then on. Nante "If you have friends named Nicholas and u want to go to St Nicholas, you get 1000 points added to ur aggregate" :D But we lost contact...I think besides December, he was one of my closest male friends.(Um, ok, I wouldn't really count December a male friend cuz he's kinda feminine in behavior...)Then there was Rey...and my cousins Kenneth and Edwin though lately it feels that we're drifting apart, Kenneth and I...i always seemed to be closer with my male cousins than female cousins, though Serene-jie comes pretty close!!

I'm not really looking forward to tml, knowing I'd probably be snapped at, ignored and snubbed, all over again. I guess I'll be bugging u a lot, Gwen, cuz u're practically the only person in class I feel I can actually talk to right now :). U'll find out how weird i am all right... It never used to hurt so much before, last year the ppl who didn't like me felt so from the start, but this time people who used to be my friends--at least, I think they were my friends--started disliking me. Maybe I have some serious personality flaw I don't know about, or maybe we just didn't click. They're not my type, I'm not their type.

I'll stop here, got to get those 2 Chinese essays typed out for Veronica Ang before she starts chasing me for them
  ¶ 9:34:00 午後

  I think my 'best friend' hates me. K. It's up to her to do what she wants. I'll show her she's not the only friend I"ve got. What kind of 'friend' is that? ....Wonder if he you-know who ’N?? is talking about is yours truly...seems like it. She said that I don't know that many of my friends hate me. Sou desu ka? They wouldn't be my friends if they hate me right? It's be more correct to say that many PEOPLE hate me. Kemono tachi.(Gwen, it's ok, you can ask me if u don't know what I mean. I'm dropping Jap words to make sure some ppl won't understand.) No wonder a candy bar can turn into an icicle in 8 months. It feels like I don't know her any more...?????????????¢?q????????...why doesn't she tell me? But I already get the feeling from her behavior. It's over. I can't turn my feelings on and off. I'm supposed to be her friend when she wants to me to be, and keep quiet, not bother her, and NOT be her friend when she wants it. Fine. Yes I'm upset. I should know better than to let THOSE PPL bother me...sometimes I really wish I had someone to talk to...a counsellor who would understand and give good advice, not stuff like "Just ignore them". I don't see much that's irritating about myself. okay, I

1. crack dumb jokes
2.say dumb stuff
3. sing a LOT

U're not going to like this...December, u should know, a few times I was so upset at certain people I called them names that I normally wouldn't use. There are 2 ppl in particular. The ones that I thought would be bad aren't that bad, the ones whom I thought would be nice have shown their true colours. And it feels as if a 3rd person has been possessed.

Staring at Nino's and Ohno's smiles( my Duet is open on my table). Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be them. Are they really what they appear to be? For all u know they're like Tomoya Nagase's Sakuraba Yuuichiro in Muko-dono--a public personae different from the private one. I see them smile; are they really happy or is it faked? When you're a star, even when you're really sad you still have to keep a happy face.

Did they notice I was nearly crying just before English lesson? I stared 5 stories down at the ground outside the MEP room, wondering what they would do if I just swung over and jumped all the way down...I'm having suicidal thoughts again...I told myself i have to be strong but sometimes I still wonder if all would be better if I just wasn't alive. But THEY"D be gloating. They wouldn't feel sorry. Their hearts are too black. It's not worth it, ne?

No matter how many times I curse them, in my heart I don't really want them to die...it's just that when I'm angry at someone I just imagine a sword/knife etc slicing off her head, stabbing through her heart etc. If that really happened they wouldn't have enough heads even if they had 100000000 of them. It's wrong to even imagine that but sometimes I feel so angry I just can't help it. Why them? I wish they'd get transferred out of the class. Out of this school. I'm not that good after all. I've been showing my dark side.

Do you know how many times I've stabbed you in my mind's eye? It still can't make up for the times you backstabbed me.

I have to learn to move on...and not care about them. But they know I care about what people think of me and they're playing on it

I should really take psychology in the future. It's interesting, isn't it? I'd like to know how those ppl think.

You're right. You do belong in Slytherin. You've changed so much from the person I used to know. You're disappearing day by day, replaced by a monster. I knew u'd have a dark side, but it's gotten worse. where's the innocence I knew?

I wish I had my P6 class back again...sometimes a neighbourhood school where everyone helps each other and is close to each other is better than being in a good school with backstabbing bitches (there, I've said it) and people with their noses so high I'm surprised they don't bump into walls while walking. yet.

Starting a letter to Alisia, she did ask me to write to her around a wk ago but I never got to it. Gomen ne. I hope you haven't changed for the worse. Not like some ppl.  ¶ 1:45:00 午前

  Heyz Gwen, thanks :) Actually, I think everyone's gifted in their own ways, it's just that sometimes this 'giftedness' is more prominent in some ppl than others...

The drama workshop thing was fun, but, as usual, I didn't feel like I fit in very well, even with enthu ppl like Cheryl, Ching Yi, Wenhan etc... I felt kind of out, probably cuz I don't usually hang out with their clique...But they are nice though:) I thought I'd try to mix around more...especially now...sigh...Did I try to be spontaneous? Yes, but not that much...I still can't get over that shyness. I just threw my 'face' away and tried my best, but somehow, especially in front of that huge group of critical eyes, I couldn't be as 'free' as i wanted to. A lot of the ppl whom I don't get along with are in LD...alot of those in LD whom I know have attitude problems. But there are the nice ones as well...and the ones whom you thought were nice but actually aren't.

People who read this, please please please DON'T tell Maybelline ok? I'm really upset with the way she's treating me. I don't know what's wrong, but her attitude towards me has changed so much. We used to be such good friends--recess together, lunch together, sitting together, talking about a lot of stuff. But I think some of you have noticed, this hasn't been the case lately. Someone asked me, "Are you and Maybelline friends or not?" If you asked me that a few months ago, I would say without hesitation, "yes", but if you asked me now, the truth is, I don't know.

I was getting irritated occasionally, it seemed like I had to have lunch with her every day, even when I didn't want top just for that day and just wanted to go home, I'd feel obliged to. But for the sake of friendship and company... No, I didn't tell anybody what I thought. Then suddenly, everything changed and we spent less and less time together. We went our separate ways for recess, and she stopped sitting beside me in the lab, in the ava room, etc etc. When so many people are avoiding you, and your 'best' friend starts doing so as well, you can't help but wonder what's wrong with you right?

She was acting like those who...well, disliked me. True, she still is friendly to me sometimes, and once in a while we still have lunch together and walk out of school together. Still, I can't help but feel that she has lunch with me or pairs up with me when we have to during class only because she has no one else to accompany her. Yes, ET is always the last choice, when there is no other way out. Do you know how that makes me feel? There are other people who are friendly to me--like you, Gwen :) but when I see everyone already paired up...

True, she has the right to have other friends. But sometimes I feel that she's forsaking me for those other friends. What's worse is that so many of those other friends are people who seem to have something against me. I just know by the looks on their faces, and the fact that they say stuff about me that they think I'll never know. But I still find out. I have my ways of knowing. When a good friend hangs out with many people who don't like you, and all of a sudden starts treating you differently, you can't help but be suspicious

Have they been influencing her? Or is it me? Or has she been influencing them? I should trust her more...but...why? why why why? She could at least try to tell me what was wrong with me. Most of the time now, when she speaks to me it's either in a very impatient tone or with those monotonous one word answers. It hurts. And there is only so much I can take.

People are going to find it strange that all of a sudden, I seem to want to join in their conversations, or their group, more. Truthfully, during times when we have to pair up and I'm the odd one out again, I feel like I'm a 3rd tyre on a bicycle when I go up to a pair and ask if I can try them. It gets much worse when I end up being more of a bother than a help. Like during the last Chem lesson. I actually forgot how to light a bunsen burner, and you should have seen the look on Stephanie's face. :P Stupid, stupid me. 1/2 the time I'm daydreaming, 1/3 of the time I'm blur and for the other 1/6 or so that's left I hardly have the chance to show what I can do.

I look at Sho's picture and I wonder, what's he really like? I know he's spontaneous and likes having an active role in group activities. he cracks a lot of jokes, some of which people may not find funny and that's when he moans about what a failure he is...of course, he's really intelligent, and it's not just results wise. He teases people a lot, sometimes way too much--and in public interviews too!! He said he's short-tempered, and I get the feeling, from the furrowed eyebrows when Jun,Nino and Aiba woke him up with that massage machine thing in the Stand Up Hawaii clip I have...but it doesn't last for long, and I love his smile, even if he hates it because of the 2 'squirrel teeth'. How would he feel if he saw me--this blur queen, who's like a female version of Aiba or Ohno, in the sense that I can be caught daydreaming or in a daze so often?

"Botto suru", the call it. "Boke ppoi."
And it does kind of describe me. I ask the lamest questions, tell the lamest jokes, say things which sound stupid--not just once in a while but most of the time. People aren't laughing. But i still want to make them laugh. So I still end up making stupid comments and talking rubbish.

Saying all this, I really feel like crying. Why? I wish I fit in and got along well with more people, but it just doesn't seem to be my nature. When I was younger I wondered if I was slightly autistic. A lot of the times, I want to be alone, but when I don't want to, it's so hard to find a group or crowd to fit into :P People give me strange stares, so much that I can't help feeling really self-conscious.

I like to dance no matter how much I look like a hippopotamus (but NOT the ones in Fantasia...), but today so many people were calling me to go up on stage and dance during assembly but I didn't, keeping in mind that fateful Fluid Fusion session when I was dancing in front and the people behind me--people I thought were my friends--were laughing at me behind. Oh, yes, it was definitely at me. Because a few of those who laughed later admitted it. I hate being laughed at when I didn't mean to crack a joke. I can be oversensitive...really, really sensitive...and some people don't care about other's feelings. How many people would care about their enemies' feelings??? If I went up on stage today, the moment I stepped onto the stage I just know that almost the whole level would erupt into laughter. My ex-2 Hope classmates have seen how klutzy I am. Despite this, when I'm just dancing at home, moving my limbs to music with no steps to follow, I know I look good.

If I just had more time to polish up my steps, just practised more, then they wouldn't have anything to laugh about. Even the best dancers need tons of practice before they get things right.

One reason I type in Jap sometimes is that I don't want CERTAIN PEOPLE to read what I'm writing, because it'd make them hate me more. I'm just trying to avoid more scathing remarks...the problem is, when I do that I exclude the friends whom I wouldn't mind sharing those private thoughts with as well--unless they read Jap. I wish I could password-protect this blog and give the password only to my most trusted friends...:P Of course, there are those whom I don't like who can read Jap...will they bother to read that blog?   ¶ 9:01:00 午後

  本当にやばいよ！私のクラスでは、一つ黒心の女のコがある。いえ、改めに、きらいの女のコは二つある。名前は．．．知らせないほうがいいけど、これ．．．（囁く）アダリン・イヨ と アンジェラ・タン って呼ばれるコです。彼女らを嫌いわけじゃない、好かないだけ、でもその二人は私を嫌い訳が、私は分かりません。いやの。アダリンが､図書館でこのブログを読んで爆笑をしたのことを聞いた。先ブログが爆笑性ですけど、真実の友達は、ぜったい笑えないの。友達だと思ったのに…どうしてよ？

仲いいのメイバリンも…まだ仲いいですけど、以前みたいな仲いいじゃないみたいです。彼女、もう変わったのように、元のあの天真と違ってしまいます。前年
から分かってるのやさしいコと違う。
  ¶ 11:21:00 午前

  I often wonder, what are friends, really? And are they that important?
Some people have never been lonely...others have been lonely for so long, they adapt to it, and can't stay for long somewhere where there are a lot of people. Me, I don't know, sometimes I'd rather be with a few people, just chatting and doing stuff, yet other times, I just feel better being alone....

It seems that so many of my friends don't stay for long...after a few years, we drift apart...some of them get sick of me after a few months, yet others...friends like Alisia, 'December' etc have stayed for years :) I really hope that in this class, this school, I'll make good friendships which will last for years, too.

It seems that I like people who appear cheerful and optimistic most of the time, rather than people who are full of self-pity and pessimistic. Who at least try to smile, instead of putting on a gloomy, black face all day long. Of course, not everyone can be cheerful all the time--not even me, no matter how many lame jokes I try to crack. Still, I hate to hear people complaining no matter how much i complain myself.

People are ironic aren't they? I keep contradicting myself yet I still feel that. I guess that's human nature.

It's kind of silly of me, but I realised that whatever I've been doing recently, like studying harder than I have the whole year etc, were all with Sho in mind. I have in imaginary world in my mind, set not now, but in the future, and it changes with my interests. It's what I want my future to be--no matter how fantastical it may seem. And right now, in that imaginary future, a few years from now, I'm a media personality, a versatile actress who sings well, and speaks 3 languages and at least 3 dialects fluently. A media darling, with poise and charisma, who knows how to answer questions skillfully, and twist around over-intrusive ones, and whom the media respects. A stunning dancer, with the looks to match. Hey, it's my fantasy, my dream, you can't limit that or u'd be straight , narrow minded!! And of course, this mischievous media darling wins Sho's heart...

Studying to be a journalist at a prestigious Ivy League university, with a minor in psychology and linguistics...exchange programmes with China's Qinghua U and Japan's Todai/Keio (hey, she's multilingual!)...who returns after graduation to be Singapore's Japan correspondent...who occasionally tags along as a translator to Arashi's overseas concerts...who gets to interview the Johnny's idols, one of the few who's just like a friend to them, a reporter who actually understands them, having been, just like them, a popular star as well. Her beauty is not just physical, but shines from within as well

It's really fantasical isn't it? And some of that is even impossible--I'll never be stunningly beautiful...but I want to get as close to that as possible. To think more before I speak, and to speak the 3 languages as well as possible--in my fantasies, 'she' speaks Japanese so fluently those who didn't know beforehand are shocked to learn that she wasn't a native speaker and adding to that, learnt the whole language herself. I want to learn my languages well, and as for Japanese, be even better than those who take 3rd language. I want to do really well in my studies, and be well read,knowledgable and witty--the perfect match for Sho, in more ways than one.

And still, 'she' never loses her humility, never forgets her friends, her family, and all those who helped her. 'Her', with her sunshine smile...never putting on airs, as if she wasn't even famous...

The reporter who is as objective as possible, a serious face while reporting the news, yet bantering, teasing and maybe even flirting with the stars she interviews...

Someone whom Sho loves....

It's silly, I know it can't come true, and I already feel so exposed, putting this up here. This is something I want to share with my close friends, those who know who i really am, those who wouldn't laugh or say, "Wake up lah, u think you're so good ah?" People who wouldn't say, "You're disgusting, thinking of that. Look at yourself, and look at that fantasy. It's too much!!" I know that, I don't you to say that!!! Let me continue dreaming and trying to go as close to that dream as possible. It's my motivation. Don't try to wake me up, I'm not so lost in that fantasy that I don't know what reality is any more.

Truthfully, I hate people who so rudely put people down and wake them up from their dreams. Is it wrong to dream? As long as you can tell dreams apart from reality, I don't think there's anything wrong. In dreams, nothing is too extreme. Use your dreams as your motivation, and life has so much more meaning. It's our dreams that make us feel more self-worthy, that give us hope. Yet when someone tells us, "Aiya, you can never be like that lah, go and look at yourself in the mirror!!", even though we know it ourselves, those harsh words break so cruelly into the dream, and bring us crashing down to earth. And it hurts so badly, we get aftershocks, and for a while--or maybe, forever--don't dare to dream again, having felt the pain of dreams being broken.

I don't like people who don't imagine, who think straight, square and one way all the time. Who memorise straight without going into further thought. Who can't see possibilities, or dare to dream about possibilities. Who don't dare to take risks, no matter how little.
  ¶ 9:05:00 午後

  :)I can't lend u their CDs...they're waaaaaaayyyyyyy too precious to me...but I can burn the songs for you!!! Any particular songs/type of songs you want me to burn? Or would u rather let me pick?

haha...2 down, a LOT more to go....(hmm, December, u were influenced by me too...u're still staying true to ur Ayu though...)

Gwen, I'd recommend these Arashi songs:

The early songs:
A-RA-SHI: Their first song--their very, very first!!! That was in 1999, it's very lively and u can hear Sho rapping *grin*

Horizon: It's cool...that's all I can describe it

Kanshakangeki Amearashi: U've got to hear it, got to got to got to!!! It's really sweet, just hearing the "Smile again, I will smile again" in the intro makes ur heart melt. "Smile again/Arigatou"...sigh...

Typhoon Generation: This is the first of their singles I bought--my 1st Arashi CD!!! It's really sweet ballad like and mid tempo at first, but in the middle the beat gets faster until it's like reggae

Asu ni Mukatte Hoero: Lively, interesting song!

Kimi no Tame ni Boku ga Iru: It's really cheery, the title means "I'm here because of you"

Jidai: It's from here that their sound starts to mature a little. You should see the music video, their dance moves are like, "Wow!" It's the theme for Kindaichi

Ai to Yuuki to Cherry Pie--a sweet ballad I still can't get out of my head
Deep na Bouken: another ballad-like song, though they still sound quite young there

The later songs--the mature sound:
They changed their record company from here onwards, and their sound matured from more bubblegum than hip hop to more hip-hop than bubblegum

A Day In Our Life--cool...you get rapping at first(Sho), then things get complicated when Jun and Ohno start singing while Sho, Nino and Aiba rap along. Their live performances of this song also has cool hiphop moves!!! It sounds kinda sexy too...

Nice na Kokoroiki: It really brightens up your day, and I swear, makes u want to be nice even to ur enemies!!!! It's for this song that they dressed up in suits, with the geeky glasses and overgelled, neat hairdos...the video's also....interesting...

Pika*nchi...well, if you don't mind hard metal/rock...:)

All Or Nothing Version 1.02: It's a real awesome cross between blues and hiphop...

Tomadoinagara: I think this is the song u heard on mtv, it's really sweet and touching. It's also from here onwards that u really get to hear the boys each singing their own 'solos' , at least in their live performances--in the CD versions they sing 2 by 2 except for Ohno whom of course gets his solos

Fuyu no Nioi: It's really heartbreaking...another ballad...I love this song too, the lyrics are so sad

Kimi ga iinda: Sho wrote the rap lyrics!!!!!! It's another sweet ballad...or so you thik until the rap which turns it all sexay

Koigokoro: A song u'd want to dance to. It really peps you up! If I could share a song with the class and I only had the Tomadoinagara maxi-single with me I'd share this one!

And from their new album....

Blue: That sweet ballad where you can hear nearly all the guys singing solo...except for Aiba, which is a pity cause he has the most unique voice...

Paretto: Another ballad. veryone in Arashi likes this one (and just about every Arashi fan, I think! :)

Lucky Man: I like this one, the intro rap is really interesting...oh, Sho...*sighs* "When I say lucky you say man!Lucky--""Man!" "Lucky!" "Man!" The class might laugh at this but I really love it

Walking in the Rain: Again, each of them has at least a solo line in this song, and it's got this hip beat.

Te Agero....can u take the heat?

Donna Kotoba De: Another of my absolute favourites!! It's really lively, the guys all have about 3 solo lines each. It really, really, really cheers one up.


Not on the album but on the Pika*nchi movie soundtrack--Michi, this 50-something minute track...it sounds very 'choir' but don't worry, they don't sound sissy in there. It's really nice, and in one part u can hear Aiba's voice really clearly. Shall I teach u how to recognise their voices? *broad, crazy grin* It's practically become my hobby, trying to pick out their individual voices in their songs.

I just realised I recommended almost every single they put out...

I have just about all their CDs except the "Kimi no Tame ni Boku ga iru" single, their 2nd album, "Here We Are", because I can't find the Japanese versions (I'm such a 'puritan', I don't want anything else except the Japanese version because Chinese titles are such an eyesore and the Jap version seems more...original), and the 'Arashi' and 'Sunrise Nippon/Horizon" singles because they are older (released 1999 and 2000 respectively) and so they're really 'rare'. I've already told my mother, when we go Japan i definitely want to get them if I can find them!!!It's cheaper than if I get it through HMV cuz Jap versions are naturally more expensive, besides, those 2 can wait--the latest single can't!!!

Hadashi no Mirai/Kotoba Yori Daisetsu na Mono--release date 3 September!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then I want to get the 2 Arashi pictorial books, and this Arashi poster and and and...there's still the 3-4 must have monthly mags--Wink Up, Duet, Myojo and Potato. You're right, Gwen, I really should be saving more for those!

I do listen to anime music but my range is severely limited--the Final Fantasy 8,9 and 10 songs, the Rurouni Kenshin TV opening and closing themes and some character image songs, the Doraemon, Akazukin Chacha and Digimon Tamer themes and nothing much apart from that:P I don't really watch much anime nowadays...Speaking of Akazukin Cha Cha I didn't know until VERY recently that Akazukin Chacha's 1st opening theme, "Kimi Iro Omoi" was sung by SMAP!!! I really like that song :) This isn't counted because I didn't know it was an anime theme song, but I like Inuyasha's theme song "Change The world" by V6 too...I like the few V6 songs I heard. I like the frist opening and closing themes of Digimon Tamers too but so far I haven't searched for the mp3 files yet...


Jaa, gtg to sleep :) Let me know which songs you want, or shall I burn every single song I have? ...hmm...including the original karaoke versions of the songs released as singles and coupling tracks...hmm...maybe not but please let me know!!!Or do u have ICQ or MSN? I can send u the mp3 files if u want....

*Yay!!! Created another Arashi fan!!!! Mwahaha, today, 2 ppl, tomorrow the entire class!!! I swear if I had my way the whole of Sec 3 Loyalty will be Arashi fans!!!*  ¶ 1:38:00 午前

  Hi!
Gwen, I don't really know much about counters...my counter's by gostats so I don't really know what else to do if that failed. Have you tried searching for counters on search engines like google?
:) I don't know what's good or bad, but maybe that will help.

I really should stop getting clothes...my mum says my closet has more than I need but somehow I still don't think so...ok, maybe what she says is true but I don't have as much variety as I'd like...yet. But right now when I feel really, really tempted, I just ask myself if it's worth it. If it's really very nice, and not too expensive, and I'm sure I can keep wearing it (and will really regret it if I don't get it) then I'd go ahead and get it...provided I have enough money to. There's this dark blue sleeveless hooded top at this fahion (sigh...) and this beigh skirt with a little red plaid pleat at the front at a shop in heeren (double sigh) and that sleeveless fuchsia plaid top at Isetan (triple sigh)... I guess I just have to wait. I'm wondering what to wear for BU day already. I don't want anyone whose fashion sense matters to laugh at me and make snide comments.

I also want to get 3/4 trousers but I think I'll get them when I go to Japan..spotted this nice pair in Myojo mag that cost only 500yen in Shibuya!!! I think I'll find some good bargains in Shibuya so I'd better not get too many clothes now. Mum was like, pointing out a lot of baggy 3/4s to me, I told her, "NO way!!! They look too butch". I've been steering clear of too oversized clothes especially baggy pants, and I'll never wear my baggy hooded sleeved tops with any kind of pants--it looks really butch and I like something more feminine. Not all frills and lace--just something with a feminine edge. That's why the skirts, sequins, glitter...I match my sleeved baggy hooded tops with miniskirts. It looks nicer that way--skirts any longer makes it look strange...

oh, for a denim jacket...and those army print tights! :( I wish my thighs were smaller though. It's not fat, it's muscle. and I want to get rid of that!!!
  ¶ 10:22:00 午後

  I really feel like typing in Jap, but the school computer browser doesn't have the Global IME [rogramme I need...:P Romaji should be ok right? It's easier for those who want to check up the dictionary to do so anyway...

I don't know what was wrong with me the past few days. I just felt so angry, so upset and so alone...it was as if everyone was running away from me:P. You guys don't know that if I don't like a person for very strong reasons, I'll have those feelings of dislike for a very long time. Luckily, usually if I dislike a person for something, it'll fade away quite fast (usually just a matter of hours or minutes) and everything will be ok again.

There's this person--no one I'm particularly close to, but someone in the class...I wouldn't call her a friend, just an acquaintance. I get the feeling she doesn't really like me, though one of my friends is quite close to her. Well, I thought we could be friends, and I tried being friendly, but she thought it was scary that i tried to talk to her when she wanted some peace and quiet(and how was I supposed to know that? :(), and so we haven't really spoke. Somewhere last week i wanted to help her with something, seeing that she was alone. But she ran away to join another group--"I'd rather save myself". Maybe she didn't mean that much but I was quite hurt...

Jaa, kono hito wa honto ni yasashii onna desu kedo, demo itamasetai toki, hontou ni itamarerimasu yo. I know that no one will be liked by everyone in the world, there'll always be someone who is bound to dislike us no matter what, yet it still hurts, especially when they show it so openly. Yet isn't it better than if someone hides her dislike under a friendly face? Then when you find out how much that person really hates you, it hurts even more.

You asked me if I was okay when I hit the table in a fit of anguish. I told you "no, I'm fine" but actually I wasn't.


OK, a lighter side. Yesterday, I had this really crazy dream! I dreamt that I was trying to phone someone yet I accidentally dialled the wrong number....and reached a member of V6: Okada Junichi. Don't ask me why I dreamt of V6(why not Arashi? Why not Sho? :P:P:P), I mean, I like V6's songs but I'm not really big over them as I am with Arashi. Anyway, when I tried to redial I got Ken Miyake...
enough, gtg  ¶ 1:28:00 午後

  Gwen, don't worry I knew it definitely wasn't you...I have my own suspicions as to who that person is, but I wish people like this would at least put their names...

You mean it was 'Blue'? LOL, of course it was different from the one on my blog, the one I used for my blog was recorded off the radio and put on the net even before the album was released. There are 3 ballads on their latest album--if there was a music video and it was from "How's It Going" then I think the song you heard was "Tomadoinagara". It's one of the songs I really feel like sharing with the whole class!!! It's really a pity some ppl don't like songs they can't understand, but I think they'd like the melody. The other 2 ballads are "Blue" and "Paretto"(Palette).

Of course there's 'Te Agero' and 'Pika*nchi'. Te Agero has that latin sound and the lyrics are sexxxxxxxxxxyyyyyyyyyyy, and Pika*nchi's more hard rock, so I don't think many people will like them, though I do love those songs...

I'm going to change the sound file on this page soon...Would u guys like a ballad likt Tomadoinagara, a more upbeat song like um...most of their other songs or are you curious as to how the sexy, suggestive 'Te Agero' sounds like?   ¶ 8:23:00 午後

  Music:
Arashi--Donna Kotoba de, Paretto

All of a sudden I feel so angry with certain ppl I thought were my friends...not that they've done anything particularly bad...
"wakari kitta ai/kito iro asezuni" Yes, obvious love will certainly not fade, but friendship can...you can either grow to like a person, or grow to hate him/her...
Iro aseru no? Shiranai dakedo, aseteru to omoimasu...i wonder, why? What's it about me?

?????—??‘????¢??‘z?¢???????B?x?X?g?t???“?h???????????l??”??—????‘z?????B?????A?¢?????A?????????¢?????????o?????????B???????f?????¢?????????B?_?????I???????A?????l?????????????B—F’B????‘z?????A—F?????????¢???????B????????”??—?????¢???????????A?????¢?±???????????????????????????B”E???????????????????¢?B???¢???B‘?‘?‘????¢???B?????¶?????????????¢?B?F?o???????????????????????????B
?????¢?¢???B“{???????o?????????B  ¶ 12:27:00 午前

  If it was BO why didn't you tell me directly? Ugh. Got to change my deodorant. Why didn't someone tell me? And here I was wondering why ppl were avoiding me like hell.............................

I guess I really am a loner...there are so many things I've learnt to do, and would rather do, alone. Like shopping etc....it's something I've gotten so used to it's more comfortable. Other times, I wish I had a friend beside me to chat with, to talk to, to share something with...

Well, et bashing has been revived as a popular sport. I'm not going to talk about that.  ¶ 6:30:00 午後

  Last week, I finally got "How's It Going" Yeah!!! Loved every single song in it!! 'Blue' and 'Donna Kotoba de" and "Lucky Man" and *wink wink nudge nudge* "Te Agero" especially (those on the iro-asenaide forum will know why the nudge and wink...) Of course, I love the single songs--Tomadoinagara and Pika*nchi too...I wonder if the class will like "Donna Kotoba De"? Nah, so many ppl don't like jpop......................:P

It's easy to ask a person, "Why don't you just shut up?" because you're not the one who's being shut up. Don't you know how it feels? usually if you just tell me you don't feel like talking/listening I'll leave you alone...

Okay, then why don't CERTAIN PPL keep quiet when the teachers tell them to during class? Trying not to speak when you really want to but others don't isn't that easy. Yeah, some people want their peace and quiet, I do have my times too, everyone does. But then...

It's so hard...sometimes i feel that i can't write anything I want to in this blog any more, with people watching everything I say, criticising my every word even if I didn't mean anything bad...When we know people are looking, we try to watch ourselves more. There are some secrets i can't write here, or everyone will know..............what I can tell, I will but.....really, I care what people think but still...

Have you ever felt so angry at someone you wanted to curse her, but didn't dare do so in public? Have you ever had a secret you wish you could tell just one person you trust, and not the whole world?

Got the September Duet and Myojo--it'll be Winkup next week, I hope it isn't sold out by then cuz it's got Arashi on the cover, just like Myojo!!!  ¶ 6:19:00 午後

  Wah!!! Arashi's Artiste of the Month on Chinese MTV!!! I wish I had cable TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know they show a lot of Arashi's PVs then--I have all of them but still, I WANNA WATCH!! *cries*

They don't have a song called "How's It Going", it's their latest album...what did the song sound like? Was it a music video? *WAh!*...sobs....I want scv i want scv i want scv!!!!!  ¶ 6:34:00 午後

  Hey, sorry lah Gwen!!
Nice diary, though the colour's a little striking... :) Cheerup!
Happy National Day everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ¶ 12:28:00 午後

  Gwen, it is...I think she was feeling really tired last week, but lately I keep getting the feeling that she really doesn't like me that much any more..., she's been snapping at me more often than usual. I know I'm irritating...she wants to talk about Harry Potter, I have nothing on my mind but Johnny's, Arashi and Sho...

Ok, it seems that now is not a good time to post a fan letter, rehearsals for the How's It Going? 2003 concert are going on so all the Arashi members will be very, very busy...I think I'll send my letter around September. Good, more time to draft, and brush up on my Jap. I'm sending an International reply Coupon with it, hopefully he will reply!! I was wondering if I should, after all it's gonna be inconvenient for him, idols are such busy ppl and having to go down to the post office is not going to be convenient in more ways than oFirstly, he's very busy and secondly it's not gonna be nice if he gets recognised on the streets and gets mobbed or something...maybe his manager or something will do it for him?

Sho gets linked with so many female stars, I've made a resolution NOT to believe those rumours. The latest 'link' is Ai Katou, the girl whom I thought looked like Constance Song in an issue of Duet. Hope it's not true!! (Ok, I admit it here. I'm selfish. I don't want Sho to have a girlfriend so that I'd stand a chance. But he doesn't even know me, so I guess I just have to hope that if he does have a girlfriend she's a really good person who's worthy of him).

I want to let the whole class listen to an Arashi song!!! All Or Nothing ver 1.02, Kansha Kangeki Amearashi, Typhoon Generation, Jidai or Ai to Yuuki to Cherry Pie...I think they'll like All Or Nothing...gotta save up for the Jap version of Here We Go but that'll be after I get my How's It Going. It's STILL not in the shops here yet!!!  ¶ 12:46:00 午後