Watching the "real Life" programme on bullying on CNA today brought back memories of -u guessed it-- Sec 2.
I should have put it behind me long ago and I guess I more or less have, but thinking about it back then, I wonder if things could have turned out differently if a teacher had tried to intervene.
It was defnitely bullying, but I don't think we, at the age of 14, knew it. To them, they were just giving me my just deserts...i have to admit I sort of deserved what I got. But they were mean. And if only Ms Ng had intervened...
I still feel a little angry whenever I think of it. by 'intervened', i don't mean simply tell them "Stop it!"--that way would work for primary school students but not for 14 year olds. Perhaps some mediation would have been good...or she could have explained to me clearly why the class did not like me, and I would certainly have watched myself and tried to change before things got out of hand...but she knew all along and she didn't. Maybe she was just inexperienced? To me,she was biased towards them all along...
If I were weaker, frailer, perhaps I would have collapsed and committed suicide before I finished sec 2. But I'm proud to say I didn't. How I survived, I don't know. I don't think anyone would understand how I felt then unless they've ever gone through the same thing--the same torment.
It's made me a stronger person.
But I still get upset and angry when I think of how our very own form teacher, who could have stepped in, did not.
What if I'd killed myself?
How many children and teens commit suicide as a result of bullying each year? Perhaps they could have been saved if a teacher, a parent--any adult-- had stepped in.
At the end of sec 2 I'd written a long letter to Ms Ng telling her abt what was happening to me...was going to drop it into her locker but decoded against it. Why? Because I just realised that she probably would not understand...would just say it was all my fault...as usual.
Yes, it was partly my fault. But their torment,, teasing, bitching, name calling...was all too much.
No one would understand how it felt unless they'd experienced it firsthand.
Got my contact lenses today! :D
Then went to Bugis Junction, and straight to Missha, this shop that sells Korean cosmetics at reasonable prices. Got this 'pearl eyeliner' there...it's a glittery liquid eyeliner. Figured I'd need longer lasting makeup if I was going to be reporting at 2.30pm for a 6.30pm prom (:P Of course Geraint Wong wouldn't understand the concept of 'fading makeup', he is male after all. Unless...mwahahahaha). Think I
will go back to the same shop the next time I need makeup.
I'm really going to Meridian JC. This JC really appeals to me! Of course RJC appeals much more, but for the 1st 3 mths, since i can't get into the top 5, Meridian's the nxt best choice. I wouldn't mind ACJC too but dun c the pt of going there if it doesn't have HEP.
Meridian may be new but it packs a punch!
Some reasons I chose to go there:
1. It's new! No fixed conceptions abt this school, at least, nt yet. New schools have new concepts and it'd be interesting to go there and experience it.
2. To be the 2nd batch and aactually be part of a cohort that contributes to outsiders' impressions and ideas of the school...to play a part in helping the school gain its very first achievement, and build it's reputation...current batches in established schools have their reputations built for them. Students in new schools build their own reputations.
Even if it's just for the 1st 3 months.
3. I have one cousin going there and possibly another! If only Edwin could go there...hahax all my male cousins my age will be going there and almost my whole family will be there. How fun! Wonder what sch my (only female cousin my age) Joyce will choose...later also Meridian then WAHAH!
4. distance from home: MJ is more convenient to get to from my home compared to NYJC
5. Location: The more different the route to RJC the better. I'll be heartbroken when i see RJC ppl lol. The route to Meridian takes me East, the route to RJ is North...and these 2 arrows pointing on opposite diirections (mrt west to city hall then change north) will never meet!
Of course, the down side is the lack of a nice range of CCAs to choose from...maybe I'll join choir. Like I did in pr sch. Or college publications.
Think i've blogged enuf. Jaa