I'm having certain feelings I shouldn't be having, and I feel bad about it, but somehow I can't help it....it's something that nags and irritates me occasionally, and then I feel bad about it. Part of me just wishes to escape, but I know I can't--can't just pull out like this because there are going to be repercussions...so I stick and bear with it and hope it will blow over. I won't elaborate further because its private, but it's nothing nice.
Why am I hanging on?
I guess I need space...but don't I have enough already? Then why do i feel so suffocated and upset? Why does she have to come and intrude into this other side of my life as well?
Why does she have to be so uptight just about all the time? To take things so seriously? It's scary, and I'm scared off by too much seriousness. I thrive on laughter, jokes, take-it-easy carefree characters...the extreme opposite overwhelms and burdens me...
I just want to scream it all out, wish someone would help me find a solution that won't hurt anyone else, but as I said, I shouldn't be having those feelings and I'll have to hope it blows over. Though feelings can't be helped.
I see a bit of myself in her, and I'm horrified...is that how I really act? Well I'm really really gonna try myse;f to tone it down. She really is--I dun want to say what. But because we have some similarities--hoping it's not more than what I think it is--does that mean I'm just like what she is?
Why do things always have to change at this time of the year?