Feeling so guilty...so damn guilty...it's my fault...but how would she feel if I cut ties with her? Somehow I feel that it's the only way to solve the problem--that I stop being friends with her, though it hurts to even think of it...but at least they won't look at her that way...
Like during the cultural revolution...when sometimes the only way the protect family and friends was to deny and cut off any ties with them...
What's wrong with me? Is there something seriously worng even I am not sure of? Or was it because of those ppl from last year who are spreading stuff behind my back? Soomehow, I feel they have something to to do it all. It isn't just HER. Recently, I found out that someone frm @ Hope 2002 who had been relatively nice to me actually disliked me. Again, I hardly knew her. Again, she was never a close friend...i admit, I was a bitch last year but...aren't those ppl being just as bitchy?
You know I don't really like the word 'bitch' but somehow this is the only word I can think of to describe them...
I'm not angry...just upset...very upset. I wish I could put things right...why can't they just leave me alone???? I don't think I've done anything this year to make my classmates this year really hate me...have I? I tried to be nice, I tried to see things their way...
Why are ppl so narrow-minded?
Somehow, right now, I think the best way to put things right is just...to die...to vanish off the face of eart. Maybe they'll regret it, maybe they won't, but if there was no me, nothing like that would happen in the first place. Yuanping and Gwen would still be friends...and Gwen wouldn't be ostracised by them...maybe the class would be much more united...I really think I'm a jinx...I just want to die...right now...
No one will understand, will they? Will the teachers who claim to be our listening ears if we have any problems even here me out? Thye can't tell everyone to stop...no one can tell my classmates to try to get to know me better before they judge...
I just feel that everything's my fault.....................
I'm wondering if I said something wrong. I wrote earlier on that I wrote a letter in Jap to Wenhan last week (just because I was itching to write a Jap letter to someone about the new grp NEWS and Wenhan was the only one I knew who understood Jap and knew about Johnny's)...on Friday she asked me if it was OK if she didn't reply in Jap. I told her it was okay, but I added that she didn't have to reply if she didn't want to...after all I didn't want to compel her to reply although I did wish for one...I'm afraid I might have given her the impression I didn't want her to reply...I do, but it's just that if she doesn't want to it's ok...
Longing for Wink Up and Duet...
OH, I forgot! Myojo's out today!!!Dropping by Bugis tml